


Tri-Disaster Gays <<gay>>

by typhiria



Category: Final Fantasy XIV, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, I Say, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, as i literally name sylvain's character 'eggplant emoji', no beta we die like Glenn, spoilers for all of ff14, this probably doesn't make tons of sense if you haven't played both games, this shouldn't be super memey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2020-12-17 00:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21045377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/typhiria/pseuds/typhiria
Summary: modern au where the students from fe3h play ff14. starting in late stormblood, will probably move to shadowbringers eventually. rated t because lysithea likes saying fuck and lorenz is weird.sylvix week? i? guess???





	1. claude starts a free company

**Author's Note:**

> i'm using {curly brackets} to denote auto-translate phrases. sorry if i stole your name!! i'll try to get everyone in eventually but also i'm extremely playing favorites and i'm not sorry
> 
> Black Eagles  
Ferdinand - Ferdinand Von'aegir - pld/drg  
Linhardt - Somnolent Stone - sch  
Caspar - Fist Punchfist - mnk  
Dorothea - J'lahmani Rhel - blm/rdm/dnc  
Edelgard - Altana Malqir - drk/gnb/sam  
  
Blue Lions  
Felix - Razha'to Relanah - mnk/sam  
Sylvain - Eggplant Emoji - drg/dnc  
Annette - Peach Sorbet - blm/rdm/ast  
Mercedes - Amianne Corentiaux - all heals/all crafts/all gatherers  
Ingrid - Apple Pie - pld/drk/mch  
Dimitri - Cheese Burger - war/rdm
> 
> Golden Deer  
Claude - Dank Memelord - mch/brd?/gnb?  
Hilda - Vibe Queen - war  
Marianne - Dorte Rose - whm/btn/min  
Lysithea - Hades Omega - smn/sch  
Lorenz - X'lihn Nunh - blm?  
Leonie - Blade Breaker - war/drg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> claude creates a free company

Company Board: Welcome to Tri-Disaster Gays! hell yeah lets get our disaster on  
Blade Breaker has joined the free company.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> I can't believe you got away with that name, Claude  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> the gms are in awe of my genius  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> it's good but how am i going to get felix to join  
Dorte Rose has joined the free company.  
[FC] <Dorte Rose> hello...  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you don't. i'll get annette to invite him  
[FC] <Apple Pie> hi! who are you?  
[FC] <Dorte Rose> marianne...  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> marianne! hi!!! wanna do a roulette??  
[FC] <Dorte Rose> um... maybe later..  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> ok!!  
Razha'to Relanah has joined the free company.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> who named this. sylvain i'm gonna kill you.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> it was claude!!! i didn't do anything!!!  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> claude made the fc for us!  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> yeah isn't it a really good fc name?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> lysithea helped me come up with it  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> now i'm disappointed in lysithea  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> ????  
Ferdinand Von'aegir has joined the free company.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> shut up sylvain  
[FC] <Hades Omega> all i did was tell him that tri-disaster was a spell in the game  
[FC] <Hades Omega> also that better be someone camping Ferdinand's name  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> I am Ferdinand von Aegir!  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> for real?  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> yes, for real  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> you have the creativity of a goddamn rock  
Dank Memelord has updated the company board.  
Company Board: hell yeah let's get our disaster on | [FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> I am Ferdinand von Aegir!  
[FC] <Hades Omega> ugh claude i don't want to look at that every time i log on  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> :(  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> then don't log out.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> who? are you???  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> thats lin!!  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> that's right. i'm lin.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> good night.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> how does he sleep with his computer on anyway  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> he's the best sleeper in the world!!  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> ...yeah actually that's probably right  
Amianne Corentiaux has joined the free company.  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> mercie!!!  
X'lihn Nunh has joined the free company.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> hi mercedes!  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> welcome mercedes!  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Hello! Thank you so much!  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> If anyone needs anything crafted, just let me know!  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> ...  
[FC] <Dorte Rose> oh... i can help with materials if you want, mercedes...  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> That would be lovely! Oh, and who are you? I don't think we've ever played together :(  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> thats marianne!  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Excuse me.  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Oh! I'm sorry I didn't recognize you, Marianne!  
[FC] <Dorte Rose> it's ok...  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Excuse me.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> anyone hear something?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I can't believe you're all ignoring me.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> it's incredibly pure and good in here rn and i love it  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> yeah who couldn't love mercedes  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I don't love Mercedes.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> hey there's a literal criminal in chat over here  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> please don't call me a criminal  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I am not a criminal.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> for once, i'm not talking about you sylvain  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> but who else is there.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> holy shit felix i can't believe you're playing along  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> what do you mean? no one else is being weird in chat  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i uh what.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> do you have lorenz on ignore or something?  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> He's right. I'm not "being weird" in chat.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> lorenz is in chat? maybe i did ignore him.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> wait.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> what the fuck.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I did nothing wrong.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> felix what did he do???  
Razha'to Relanah has logged out.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I merely made a request. He was free to refuse it.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i'm gonna go talk to him  
Eggplant Emoji has logged out.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> lorenz, what the fuck?  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> did you ask felix of all people for feet pics???  
[FC] <Hades Omega> wait what?????????  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> {I seem to have misplaced my keyboard.}  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> leave felix alone!  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> I'm sure Lorenz has a good explanation for all this.  
[FC] <Dorte Rose> i'm not...  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> i can't believe lin's missing this  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> holy shit even marianne's against you lorenz  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> If you must know, I asked Felix for the name of his hairdresser. I am unhappy with mine, and his hair always looks good. I thought he would be happy to share.  
[FC] <Dorte Rose> oh no...  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> i can NOT fucking believe you  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> he does his own hair though???  
[FC] <Hades Omega> you've been in the same room as him before, right? for at least five seconds???  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> how are you like this  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Yes, I have, Lysithea.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i don't believe you  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i walk away for five goddamn minutes.  
X'lihn Nunh has been made the lorenz hole by Dank Memelord.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> there, he doesn't get to talk anymore  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> that's not how i expected that message to read  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> leave it, he doesn't deserve effort  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> right  
Dank Memelord has updated the company board.  
Company Board: hell yeah let's get our disaster on | [FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> I am Ferdinand von Aegir! | do not release lorenz from his hole  
[FC] <Hades Omega> not even mercedes would dare  
  
[private conversation: Dank Memelord -> Apple Pie]  
Dank Memelord: you know felix better than i do  
Dank Memelord: so  
Dank Memelord: should i kick lorenz  
Dank Memelord: because holy shit i didn't think he was that stupid  
Apple Pie: i don't think you really need to?  
Apple Pie: he'll probably just punch lorenz in the face next time he sees him  
Dank Memelord: it's just  
Dank Memelord: we're all joking here right  
Dank Memelord: but i don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable?  
Dank Memelord: except lorenz  
Apple Pie: i don't think you have anything to worry about there  
Apple Pie: promote felix and if he wants lorenz kicked, he'll do it  
Dank Memelord: good idea. rip sylvain tho  
Apple Pie: rip  
  
  
  
  
  
Company Board: hell yeah let's get our disaster on | [FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> I am Ferdinand von Aegir! | do not release lorenz from his hole  
Razha'to Relanah has logged in.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> is that fucker still here.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> we made a hole for him, look at the fc screen  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> hm. acceptable.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> why did claude promote me.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i'm not actually gonna do shit. he knows that.  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Claude promoted you? Congratulations! :)  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> yay felix!  
[FC] <Apple Pie> rip sylvain  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> what. sylvain just has to not say stupid shit. he can do that.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i can't believe felix believes in sylvain  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i can!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> don't get used to it.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> who wants to do an expert.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> me!  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> I can heal an expert. :)  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i guess i'm tanking  
[FC] <Apple Pie> felix, you should really try dark knight. i think you'd like it.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> it looks ridiculous. i can't take that sword stance seriously.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> the job quests are really good though! you'd like sidurgu, he's just like you  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i wish they'd put me in the game  
[FC] <Hades Omega> they did tho??  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> where???  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> magnai  
[FC] <Hades Omega> magnai  
[FC] <Apple Pie> magnai  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> magnai  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> magnai.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> magnai  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> :<  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> sylvain. why.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned???  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> stop typing and start dpsing.  
Vibe Queen has updated the company board.  
Company Board: hell yeah let's get our disaster on | [FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> I am Ferdinand von Aegir! | do not release lorenz from his hole | [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> woops  
Vibe Queen has updated the company board.  
Company Board: [FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> I am Ferdinand von Aegir! | do not release lorenz from his hole | [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned???  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> there  
[FC] <Hades Omega> you can't put every time sylvain gets himself owned in the motd  
[FC] <Hades Omega> also did you really have to leave that ferdinand thing in it  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> yes  
[FC] <Hades Omega> hildaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Thanks for the expert! My, you're all so fast!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> that's the idea.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> thanks for the great healing, mercie! gotta go make dinner now  
Apple Pie has logged out.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> can anyone help me? i have to do cape westwind  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> oh that one's really hard. i'll help  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> that one's 8 people, right? i can come  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> it's hard? can you tell me what to look out for?  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> no, it's better if you go in blind. don't worry, people will understand  
Fist Punchfist has logged in.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> cas come do cape westwind for ferdinand  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> hell yeah i love cape westwind!  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> sure i'll do cape westwind  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> anyone else?  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> okay going!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> thanks! but that didn't seem very hard?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> cape westwind is the easiest trial in the game.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> oh  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> felix you ruined it  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> he just did it? i'm saving ten minutes of him missing the joke.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i don't want to read that shit.  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> then... dont????  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> ill fight you  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> ok. outside?  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> felix! don't do it!!!  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Please don't fight.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> fine.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i can't say no to annette.  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> ill still fight you  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> annette tell felix to like me  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> he already does???  
Eggplant Emoji has been made the lorenz hole by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> felix!! that's rude!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you're right. i can't just put him in lorenz's hole.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> yeah lorenz fucking earned that hole  
Eggplant Emoji has been made shut up sylvain by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> so what did he tell you anyway.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> he wanted to know who did your hair? apparently??? i still can't believe he's that stupid  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> that's. that's not. how it went.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> did he ask for feet pics  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> he wanted to smell my hair.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> LKERJEIKLOJNKELDS WHAT  
[FC] <Hades Omega> what the fuck  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> what is wrong with that man  
  
[private conversation: Eggplant Emoji -> Razha'to Relanah]  
Eggplant Emoji: i know you can and will kill him all by yourself but i am perfectly willing to stab his corpse for you  
Razha'to Relanah: thanks.  
Eggplant Emoji: and if you ever want to talk i'll be around  
Razha'to Relanah: i know.  
Eggplant Emoji: seriously!  
Razha'to Relanah: i'm not that mad. this is too weird. don't let on.  
Eggplant Emoji: oh okay  
Razha'to Relanah: also annette told me i had to like you. so.  
Eggplant Emoji: you like me?  
Razha'to Relanah: only as much as annette tells me to.  
Eggplant Emoji: :<  
  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> you know, lorenz sent me a tell earlier  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> ill fight him  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> i know cas  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> he said he'd shave his entire head if we let him talk in fc chat again  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> yeah i told him he'd have to do better than that  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> why is he sending you tells anyway  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> claude promoted me, i guess  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> i was asleep  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> oh cool  
Eggplant Emoji has been made member haha get it by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> what the fuck, claude.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> hes not here  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> why not.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> hes on a date? i think???  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i wish i was on a date!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> maybe i should never let you talk again.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> :<  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> don't pout at me.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> :<  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> felix be nice!!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i'm going to bed.  
Razha'to Relanah has logged out.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> but it's like 8pm??  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> uh i'm super sleepy too! good night!  
Eggplant Emoji has logged out.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> are they fooling anyone  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> lorenz, clearly  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> and no, i will not let you speak. you sit in your hole and think about what you did.  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> yeah!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next part's coming whenever i figure out a good ff14 name for dimitri
> 
> this is the first thing i've written in years


	2. lorenz attempts an apology?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i have seen The Tweet
> 
> also, i went with a real dumb name for dimitri and i'm not sorry and you can't make me be sorry

Company Board: [FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> I am Ferdinand von Aegir! | do not release lorenz from his hole | [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned???  
Dank Memelord has logged in.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> guess what, fellow gays????  
[FC] <Hades Omega> what  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> your brave, proud fc leader has... a boyfriend!  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> who is it  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> you have to tell me  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> dimitri  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> are you fucking with me  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> not in a million years  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> i'm gonna get him to play with us  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> lorenz stop bothering me  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> nobody wants to see you with all your hair shaved off  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> have you considered not being a fucking weirdo  
[FC] <Hades Omega> claude he wanted to smell felix's hair  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> hilda told me  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> if you apologize and felix accepts it, i'll think about letting you talk again  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> i will employ top experts in whatever felix's deal is to confirm his acceptance, so don't even try to fool me  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> i can help!  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> see? top experts.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> ANYWAY  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> you're dating dimitri????  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> yeah! he's a huge dork but now he's my huge dork  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> noted  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> thanks for the support linhardt  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> anytime  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> brb  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> wow gaius just does not stop talking huh  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> don't worry you'll get to shut him up soon  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> how far down does this elevator go anyway  
Cheese Burger has joined the free company.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> that isn't  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> i think it is  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> welcome Dimitri!  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> hi dimitri. good night.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> marianne save me  
[FC] <Dorte Rose> ...okay...  
[FC] <Hades Omega> does he know how to talk in chat  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> i'm telling him!!  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> he says hi btw  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> so i was thinking about it  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> lorenz must have asked to smell felix's hair in game, right? because felix had him ignored?  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i still can't believe any of that happened  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> but how did lorenz know who felix was  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> felix didn't know it was lorenz  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> so why would he go on about hairdressers or whatever  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> lorenz must have thought he was hitting on some rando  
[FC] <Hades Omega> leonie you know you don't have to make excuses for lorenz right  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> it just doesn't make sense any other way  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> lorenz you are banned from hitting on randos  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> yes i can do that  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> yes hilda can do that  
[FC] <Cheese Burger> {Hello!}  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> oh shit dimitri found his keyboard  
[FC] <Cheese Burger> {I seem to have misplaced my keyboard.}  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> yeah i think he broke it  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> hes borrowing one of my controllers  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> rip claude's controller  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> he said hed be careful!!  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> anyway i'm gonna hang with dimitri for awhile  
Dank Memelord has logged out.  
Cheese Burger has logged out.  
  
  
  
Company Board: [FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> I am Ferdinand von Aegir! | do not release lorenz from his hole | [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned???  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> okay, everyone here?  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> where's felix?  
Razha'to Relanah has logged in.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> holy shit annette you can summon felix  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> what.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> she just said where's felix and then you logged in  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> whatever. let's get this over with.  
X'lihn Nunh has been made member haha get it by Claude.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Felix.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> this better be good.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I would like to apologize for my recent conduct towards you. As you may have surmised, I do enjoy a spot of erotic role-playing.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> first sentence acceptable. second sentence the fucking worst.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I made a mistake and assumed you would also like to partake in erotic role-play. I am sorry.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> {I seem to have misplaced my keyboard.}  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> that's the worst apology i've ever seen.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> same  
[FC] <Apple Pie> same  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> same  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> So you won't accept it?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> try again.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> believe me when i say that is literally the best lorenz can do  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Very well.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Felix, I am sorry, both for the original incident and for telling you things you did not wish to know. I will accept whatever punishment you wish, including depriving my head of its hair.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> do not shave your fucking head. no one wants to see that.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> also i guess that's the best you're gonna do. so. never talk to me again.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I don't know if you accepted my apology or not!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> that's the point.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> hey, felix's friends, what do you think??  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you're not getting much better than this  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> yeah he hasn't threatened murder yet today  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> it's never too late.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> ingrid hes throwing things at me  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you deserve it  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> ingrid he has knives  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> and swords  
[FC] <Apple Pie> defend yourself  
  
  
[private conversation: Dank Memelord -> Razha'to Relanah]  
Dank Memelord: so what should we do with him?  
Razha'to Relanah: whatever you want. i put him back on ignore.  
Dank Memelord: got it. thanks  
Razha'to Relanah: for what.  
Dank Memelord: not killing half the fc?  
Razha'to Relanah: i do not believe for a second you're scared of me.  
Dank Memelord: i'm not ;)  
Dank Memelord: have fun with sylvain ;)  
Razha'to Relanah: you should be scared of me.  
  
  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> ingriddddddd  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> it was a pen.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> also you're in my room. if you don't like it get out.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> never  
[FC] <Cheese Burger> {What?}  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> who is that??  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> fuck no.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> sylvain you are not this stupid.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> you're right i'm not  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> dimitri who got you to try this game  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> there's like three different websites you have to go through to sign up, i know you didn't do that by yourself  
[FC] <Cheese Burger> {I seem to have misplaced my keyboard.}  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> fucking seriously.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> broke it again, huh  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> does he? do that a lot?  
[FC] <Apple Pie> yes  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> please stop making fun of my boyfriend  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> claude.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> yes, felix?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> what the fuck.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> dimitri is my boyfriend.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> and his keyboard is broken, so i'm letting him borrow one of my controllers.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you're never gonna see that controller again.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> worth it  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Am I free to speak?  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> oh yeah felix doesn't give a shit he said  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Thank you.   
[FC] <Vibe Queen> if you hit on anyone in the fc i will get felix to cleave your head from your body  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> do your own cleaving.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> but thats work :(  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> hey lorenz can you clear something up for me  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I can try.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> when you hit on felix, did you know it was him  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> leonie wtf  
[FC] <Apple Pie> do we really have to keep talking about this  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I did not.   
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> He plays a Mi'qote, and in my experience Mi'qote players are usually quite interested in, ah, role-play.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> okay thanks you can stop now  
[FC] <Apple Pie> can someone put him back in his hole  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> one sec  
X'lihn Nunh has been made the lorenz hole by Felix.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> he's afk  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> so  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> hows the weather  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> do you really think you can hide your shame  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> yes  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> fuck  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> busted  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i literally don't care.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> then why are you throwing shit at me  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you're still in my room.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> can you two just get to the part where you kiss already  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> leonie you can't do that  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> we have to suffer  
Eggplant Emoji has logged out.  
Razha'to Relanah has logged out.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> linhardt what do you know about suffering  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i've had to put up with this shit for years  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> idk how you do it  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> i would have shoved their faces into each other years ago  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i tried that  
[FC] <Apple Pie> it didn't work  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> just gotta try again  
[FC] <Apple Pie> go for it  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> i could get cas to do it if you don't want to  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> would caspar understand what we want him to do  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> yes? he would?   
[FC] <Dank Memelord> if this happens i want to be there to see it  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> and so does dimitri  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> next movie night then?  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> so i've been watching the cutscenes, but  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> why are they letting a 14 year old start his own personal army  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> because alisaie isn't there to tell him he's an idiot  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> who's that?  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> alphinaud's twin sister  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> oh is that why there were two of them in the beginning  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> yeah  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> weird.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ferdie is Here for fantasy politics


	3. linhardt has receipts

Company Board: [FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> I am Ferdinand von Aegir! | do not release lorenz from his hole | [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned???  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> !!!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> you'll never guess who i just ran into!  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> hubert?  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> what???  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> i mean, wrong!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> it was Dorothea!  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> dorothea plays ff14 and she didn't tell me? rude  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> she's transferring here  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> ok i forgive her  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> claude, i told her to contact you for an invite  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> cool  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> i'm going on a date  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> bye!  
Dank Memelord has logged out.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> oh no  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> caspar are you on?  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> ya  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> is linhardt awake?  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> nope  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> oh well :(  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> you could wake him up?  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> never  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> ill fight you  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> maybe later  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> nobody wants to fight me :(  
Application received from J'lahmani Rhel.  
J'lahmani Rhel has joined the free company.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> that was really easy  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> hiiiiii dorothea!  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> hiiiii  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> my girlfriend wants to come over too, i hope that's okay  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> yeah!! i'll just stand right here  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> hey the game is telling me there's a lot of cutscenes coming up  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> is that good  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> what are you doing ferdie?  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> i'm about to have dinner with the sultana?  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> oh  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> you're going to have a very lovely dinner with nanamo! enjoy!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> well that's fucking ominous  
Application received from Altana Malqir.  
Altana Malqir has joined the free company.  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> hi edie!!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> hello edelgard  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Of course that's your name here. Of course.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> So Claude runs this fc?  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> ya but hes on a date rn  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Oh? With who?  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> dimitri  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> wtf  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> That's... unexpected.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> what the fuck i'm not a murderer!!!  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Huh?  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> he's watching the cutscene when you go have dinner with nanamo  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Oh.  
Hades Omega has logged in.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i just saw the worst fucking thing ever  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> if this is about claude and dimitri i will put you in lorenz's hole  
[FC] <Hades Omega> gross no its not  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i saw lorenz  
[FC] <Hades Omega> he fucking did it  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i have no idea why  
[FC] <Hades Omega> but he fucking did it  
[FC] <Hades Omega> and he's in like half my classes so i have to look at him  
[FC] <Hades Omega> aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> What did Lorenz do???  
[FC] <Hades Omega> he shaved all his fucking hair off  
[FC] <Hades Omega> also who tf are you  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> I can't imagine that but I'm sure it's awful. And I'm Edelgard.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> ok does anyone have a wig they hate  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> no but i could sacrifice a scarf to the cause  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> that works!  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> now we need some muscle  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> edie want to help?  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Yes. Where is he?  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i just saw him in the dining hall  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i'll come too  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> hell yeah lysithea  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> i fucking knew this personal army thing was a mistake!!  
Vibe Queen has logged out.  
Altana Malqir has logged out.  
Hades Omega has logged out.  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> bye ferdie  
J'lahmani Rhel has logged out.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> cas we're going too  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> wtf why  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> they need moral support  
Fist Punchfist has logged out.  
  
  
  
Company Board: [FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> I am Ferdinand von Aegir! | do not release lorenz from his hole | [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned???  
Dank Memelord has logged in.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Hello, Claude.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> helllllllllo edelgard!  
[FC] <Apple Pie> claude we have questions  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> what happened now  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Lorenz has no hair. Why?  
Eggplant Emoji has logged in.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> what, you think i had something to do with it?  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> it was sylvain  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> hey what the fuck  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i just logged in  
[FC] <Apple Pie> sylvain why  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i haven't had time to do anything stupid yet!!  
Razha'to Relanah has logged in.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> felix did sylvain fuck with lorenz's hair?  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> what???  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> what.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> claude's blaming me for what????????  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Right, you weren't on when it happened.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Someone shaved all Lorenz's hair off.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> we know it wasn't felix because felix wouldn't have gone for the hair  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> why are there so many layers to this weird hair thing  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> this is. so fucking stupid.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i didn't do shit. neither did sylvain.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> now shut the fuck up about it.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> or?  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> claude, i have receipts  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> idk what you mean  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> good night  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> So it was you.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Rude of you to make Sylvain take the blame.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> extremely rude!!  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> what can i say? i've always got schemes going  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Claude, why would you do this? You know we all have to look at him, right?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> please shut the fuck up.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> I'll take it to tells. Sorry, Felix.  
  
[private conversation: Altana Malqir -> Dank Memelord]  
Altana Malqir: Answer the question.  
Dank Memelord: i didn't shave him  
Altana Malqir: I don't believe you.  
Dank Memelord: i don't expect you to? but it's true  
Altana Malqir: I should have known you'd be difficult.  
Dank Memelord: good night~  
  
Dank Memelord has logged out.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Linhardt, are you still around?  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i don't think so  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> He's still logged in.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i've never seen him log out?  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> I see.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> I'll just have to find another way, then.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> rip linhardt?  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> No, Caspar would never forgive me.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> I'll be right back.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you stood in that on purpose.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> it's not my fault i can't remember what larboard is!!  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> and i was jumping! animation lock screwed me! again!!  
[FC] <Hades Omega> larboard means left  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> he already knew that.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> no more excuses  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> :<  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> and you weren't jumping. i know what the jump animation looks like.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> :< :< :<  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> pouting won't save you.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> from what  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> rude  
[FC] <Hades Omega> what was it this time  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> a knife!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i would never. it was a book.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> Edelgard, I believe I've found it.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> [FC] <Dank Memelord> hilda ive got a good idea  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> [FC] <Vibe Queen> yeah?  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> [FC] <Dank Memelord> we should switch lorenz's shampoo out for nair  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> [FC] <Vibe Queen> wowww i'm torn  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> [FC] <Dank Memelord> we'll make him wear a really ugly wig  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> [FC] <Vibe Queen> ok i'm in  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Thank you.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> did i not say.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> to shut.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> the fuck.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> up.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> about that stupid fucker.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Apologies, Felix. Hubert doesn't play, so he doesn't know how to use tells.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> it's not hard.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> and neither is larboard!  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> my dick, on the other hand  
Eggplant Emoji has been made shut up sylvain by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you are testing my patience.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> what patience  
[FC] <Hades Omega> also did you really just have hubert break into linhardt's room  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Of course. There's no guarantee I'll be online next time he wakes up, and I'd prefer to take care of this quickly.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> what are you going to do  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> I'm not going to be as careless as Claude was. You will know when it happens, I promise you.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> ok when hubert does a murder we'll all know it's for you  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> that's not new.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Hubert will not "do a murder."  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> sure he won't.


	4. hubert does not do a murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops there's a little bit of angst in this one!

Company Board: [FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> I am Ferdinand von Aegir! | do not release lorenz from his hole | [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned???  
Dank Memelord has logged in.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> is edelgard on  
[FC] <Hades Omega> no???  
[FC] <Hades Omega> did hubert do a murder  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> idk if it was hubert but someone did a murder on all my controllers  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> what were you expecting.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> idk, less controller murder?  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> did dimitri finally get to the part where he has to play with other people  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> where have i heard this song before?  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> he didn't have any trouble in sastasha!!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i could solo sastasha.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> yes felix, i know unsync exists, thanks  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> did i say unsync.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> so has the song for the second half of ravana shown up anywhere else before? it's really familiar and i can't figure out why  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> pretty sure that's the only time it shows up, actually  
Eggplant Emoji has been made shut up sylvain by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> what did he even do  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> he's singing and i'm out of books to throw at him.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> brb  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> oh!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> so when do chicken tenders come up, then?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i am typing this under duress. but.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> lysithea is my favorite person and i am eternally grateful to her.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> i hope she brought you big books  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> she did. sylvain has regrets.  
Eggplant Emoji has been made member haha get it by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> you know you like hearing me sing ;)  
Eggplant Emoji has been made shut up sylvain by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> did he sing along to the shiva song too  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> probably. we weren't together yet.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> fuck  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> hahaha gotcha  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> it's none of your business.  
Eggplant Emoji has been made member haha get it by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> too late we've got receipts now!  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> yeah felix we weren't exactly being subtle  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i know you wanted to do it on your terms but it's a bit late for that  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> so wanna get married?  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> sylvain why are you such a fucking masochist  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> absolutely not.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> :<  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> that won't work on me.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> you better invite me to the wedding felix, i brought you books  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> and me!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> there's not going to be a wedding.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i do mean ingame, for the record  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> it'll be fun!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> i want an invite too! or i'll drop you down another pit!  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> wait you did WHAT  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> it was four feet deep and she put straw down. also she didn't have to bring it up. at all.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> that's fucked up! like seriously fucked up!  
Eggplant Emoji has logged out.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> did i do something wrong?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> he has a thing about holes in the ground.  
Razha'to Relanah has logged out.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> oh. sorry?  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> he logged out too fast  
[FC] <Hades Omega> how were you supposed to know?  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> i'll apologize later  
Altana Malqir has logged in.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> not in front of everyone  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> just the person i wanted to see  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> What is it, Claude?  
J'lahmani Rhel has logged in.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> what did all my controllers ever do to you  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Nothing? What are you accusing me of?  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> my controllers are fucking destroyed. how's dima supposed to play now?  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> I had nothing to do with it. It's your own fault for letting Dimitri use them.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Ask him yourself.  
Apple Pie has logged in.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> hey ingrid do you want to get really mad  
[FC] <Apple Pie> what did sylvain and felix do this time  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> dima still has the first controller i gave him and he hasn't broken it  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> [FC] <Dank Memelord> did he sing along to the shiva song too  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> [FC] <Razha'to Relanah> probably. we weren't together yet.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> [FC] <Razha'to Relanah> fuck  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> have you done anything to piss off caspar lately?  
[FC] <Apple Pie> fucking finally  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> i can alibi cas for the last eighteen hours and you probably don't want to hear the details  
[FC] <Hades Omega> ok ingrid do you really want to get mad  
[FC] <Apple Pie> yeah lets hear it  
[FC] <Apple Pie> not you linhardt  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> my tells are always open ;)  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> that's a fucking lorenz move and you should be ashamed of yourself  
[FC] <Hades Omega> leonie dropped felix into a pit  
[FC] <Apple Pie> what, again?  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> i didn't know! and i only did it once! and it was a pretty nice pit actually!  
[FC] <Apple Pie> so sylvain found out?  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> yeah  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i'll talk to him later. wouldn't want to walk in on anything  
X'lihn Nunh has been made member haha get it by Dank Memelord.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> there, bother someone else now  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Thank you.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Leonie, that was not a 'Lorenz move.' I confine my lewdness to tells, as a proper gentleman should.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> claude why i'm sorry about the pit thing  
[FC] <Hades Omega> lorenz no one wants to hear about your lewdness what the fuck  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> no one answered me and i'm really curious  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> when do chicken tenders come up in this game?  
[FC] <Hades Omega> uh, they don't???  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> then what was sylvain singing about?  
[FC] <Hades Omega> maybe he was hungry and also an idiot???  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Perhaps he misheard the lyrics?  
[FC] <Hades Omega> to what  
[FC] <Hades Omega> oh fuck  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i should have given felix more books  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> it's a shame, sylvain could actually sing if he wanted to  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> but instead we get... that.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> let's just get felix to move into the library  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> please don't, i sleep there  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> why can't these moogles do their own work  
[FC] <Hades Omega> they're all hilda  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> how can you be that rude to hilda  
[FC] <Hades Omega> you can't stop me  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Did anyone else hear Claude yelling just now?  
[FC] <Hades Omega> yeah wtf  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> edie says you shouldn't worry about it  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> also don't open your door  
[FC] <Apple Pie> what  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> wtf is edelgard doing  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i heard claude say skunk  
[FC] <Hades Omega> did hubert do a murder on a skunk  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> he wasn't supposed to?  
Altana Malqir had been made lord of the gays by Dank Memelord.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> wtfffffff  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> rip claude  
Dank Memelord has been made member haha get it by Altana Malqir.  
Vibe Queen has been made member haha get it by Altana Malqir.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> welp  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> edelgard you should promote me!  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> My thanks, Hubert.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> And no, Ferdinand. Absolutely not.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Edelgard, I would like to offer you my services.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> No.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> there's something scratching at my door  
[FC] <Hades Omega> edelgard make hubert catch it  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> He's already sacrificed enough for my cause.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> it better not get in here! i'll never forgive you edelgard!  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> I suppose I shouldn't allow this situation to escalate.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> I'll promote whoever catches the skunk and removes it from the premises. No murder.  
Ferdinand Von'aegir has logged out.  
X'lihn Nunh has logged out.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> that's a weird way to de-escalate a situation  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Either one of them succeeds, or they both get sprayed. I can accept either outcome.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i have so. many. classes. with lorenz  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i have to look at his dumb bald head and smell him? how will i survive  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Hope the skunk gets Ferdinand instead.  
Razha'to Relanah has logged in.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> someone care to explain why the hallway fucking reeks?  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> No.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> there's a skunk, don't open your door  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i know there's a skunk. i want to know why. i'm not being unreasonable.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> felix can you please tell sylvain i'm sorry and i didn't know  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i think edelgard had hubert use a skunk to get onto claude's account so she could take over the fc  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i already told him that. you're not allowed to try it again.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> am i still allowed to shut sylvain up.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> you wouldn't fall for it again  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Please.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> cool. bye.  
Razha'to Relanah has logged out.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> there will be retribution  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> lol  
Ferdinand Von'aegir has logged in.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> i have bad news  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> You getting sprayed is not necessarily bad news.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> how can you say such hurtful things???  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> anyway, uh  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> seteth  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> seteth knows  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Fuck.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> did it get him??????  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> i don't think so?  
X'lihn Nunh has logged in.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I have failed you, Edelgard.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> There will be a mandatory assembly soon. Seteth would like us all to learn how to respect animals.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> wtfffff i didn't do anything  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> This could have been so much worse. I'll have to discuss this with Hubert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sylvain: the chicken tenders  
sylvain: are ready to [fryyyyyy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eutu8EXcmk0)


	5. caspar respects skunks

Company Board: [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned??? | Under new management. Don't get horny in fc chat, please.  
Hades Omega has logged in.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> haha she left the sylvain thing in  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> :<  
[FC] <Hades Omega> woah even linhardt is offline  
[FC] <Hades Omega> no mods no masters  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> but felix is on???  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no she's right.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> sylvain. do roulettes with me.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> so bossy!  
Somnolent Stone has logged in.  
X'lihn Nunh has been made the lorenz hole by Somnolent Stone.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> he's not even online  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> he's the reason seteth woke me up  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> lol where's caspar  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> i don't know, actually.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> can we have one week without antics. just a week.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> oh that reminds me, seteth's probably going to want to talk to you felix  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> all i do is make sylvain stop being fucking embarrassing.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> yeah i told him you and i didn't exactly do much. i don't know if he believed me or not.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> thanks.  
X'lihn Nunh has logged in.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> before you ask: no  
Apple Pie has logged in.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> hi!  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i saw seteth heading to your room, felix  
[FC] <Apple Pie> so you should probably kick sylvain out for a bit  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> it's my room and sylvain can stay if he wants to  
[FC] <Apple Pie> don't say i didn't warn you  
[FC] <Apple Pie> lorenz shut the fuck up, felix doesn't listen to a word i say  
[FC] <Apple Pie> and neither does sylvain, and sylvain would never betray felix like that  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> holy shit ingrid has faith in me  
[FC] <Apple Pie> of course i do you idiot  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> oh shit seteth's here  
[FC] <Hades Omega> rip sylvain  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> no felix won't let him kick me out  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> hahaha felix does not give a fuck  
[FC] <Hades Omega> lol of course not  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> wait how does he not know it was hubert  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> i didn't tell him  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> well felix isn't telling him either  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> uh let's scroll chat  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> no reason  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> please help  
[FC] <Apple Pie> lysithea you should play drk  
[FC] <Hades Omega> you tell everyone to play drk  
[FC] <Apple Pie> it's so good  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> i'm going to bed  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> good night  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> linhardt it's like 4pm  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> i sleep when i want  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> oh fuck  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> if looks could kill that would have murdered me dead  
[FC] <Apple Pie> seteth or felix?  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> seteth  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> apparently i'm an instigator?  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i haven't instigated shit in months and this is what i get  
[FC] <Hades Omega> your name is a dick joke  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> my dick is not a joke  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i'm sorry  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> that setup was too good  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> hahaha he just asked if felix wanted to run the fc  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> the look on his face  
[FC] <Hades Omega> lol what  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i'm trying to be quiet but it's so hard  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you know, he'd probably be okay  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> he'd hate it  
[FC] <Apple Pie> he'd absolutely fucking hate it  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> oh man  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> brb  
Fist Punchfist has logged in.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> rip sylvain  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> lin's sleeping, who wants to do something??  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i wanna see what happens when sylvain comes back  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> whats going on  
[FC] <Hades Omega> seteth wants felix to take over the fc???  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> does seteth even play  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> like why would he care  
[FC] <Hades Omega> edelgard took the fc over with hubert and a skunk the other night  
[FC] <Hades Omega> seteth probably wants less of that  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> a skunk? damn edelgard  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> i fought a skunk once  
[FC] <Apple Pie> how? did that go?  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> i lost  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> skunks dont fuck around  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> if i fought a skunk i'd win.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> also. uh. someone should. warn mercedes.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> why did you drag mercedes into this  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i didn't mean to. i just. i couldn't think of anyone else.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> he did say my name first  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> shut up.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> make me  
[FC] <Apple Pie> children  
Eggplant Emoji has been made shut up sylvain by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you shouldn't say that when i can actually make you shut up.  
Ferdinand Von'aegir has logged in.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> anyway let's hope i get there before seteth does  
Apple Pie has logged out.  
Eggplant Emoji has been made member haha get it by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> ferdie how far are you now???  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> aymeric just got arrested and i'm gonna go break him out!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> i'm gonna end up putting aymeric in charge, huh  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> he is too impossibly handsome to die  
[FC] <Hades Omega> so you're about to do the vault? i'll help, i got nothing else going on rn  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> i'll do the vault  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> anyone else?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> fuck the vault.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> sickness must be purged!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> don't fucking invite me. i didn't say i'd help you.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> just go, we can pick up a rando  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> what's his problem anyway?  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> it won't make sense until the cutscene after  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> oh okay  
Amianne Corentiaux has logged in.  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Is Felix online?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i'm here.  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Ah.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> oh shit  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> While I am... honored that you thought I would make a good FC leader, I do have to ask that you never send Seteth my way again.  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> It was a very awkward conversation.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i'm sorry mercie. i. uh. panicked.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> he suggested me first and seteth didn't think he was serious!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> how am i supposed to shut you up if you're the leader.  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Hahaha! It's okay, Felix. I know you're not used to talking to Seteth.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> nooooooooooo  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> not haurchefant!!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> fuck haurchefant.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> felix how could you???  
Vibe Queen has logged in.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> hildaaaa where have you been  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> professor byleth wanted to talk to me  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you got byleth? unfair.  
Apple Pie has logged in.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> what do you mean unfair??? i got in trouble!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i got seteth. and i didn't do shit.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> oh lol that's really unfair  
[FC] <Hades Omega> if i get a visit from seteth i'm gonna ruin all your days  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Lysithea, I promise I will never set Seteth on you.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> ok, all your days except mercie's  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> you're never gonna live that down  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> shut the fuck up sylvain.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> make me  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> ANYWAY  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> byleth and seteth are talking to claude and edelgard and dimitri rn  
[FC] <Hades Omega> wtf dimitri  
[FC] <Hades Omega> he doesn't even have a working keyboard  
[FC] <Apple Pie> does byleth play  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> idk  
[FC] <Hades Omega> they've never said anything about playing any games  
Blade Breaker has logged in.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> anything fun going on??  
[FC] <Hades Omega> lol no  
[FC] <Apple Pie> seteth's probably gonna come fuck up your day  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> what why  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> i didn't do anything  
[FC] <Hades Omega> he talked to mercie, no one's safe  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> oh fuck  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> i'm not home  
[FC] <Apple Pie> that won't work  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> :(  
Cheese Burger has logged in.  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Hello, Dimitri!  
[FC] <Apple Pie> his keyboard's broken mercie  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> That's no reason to be rude :)  
Dank Memelord has logged in.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> get ready  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> shit's gonna go down  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> and you didn't tell me??? rude  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> nah this is all seteth's idea  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> oh lol fuck  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> i can't believe we're all listening to seteth  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> ill fight him  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> tell me when and where so i can watch  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Caspar, please don't try to fight Seteth. It would make me sad.  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> fuck i can't do that  
Altana Malqir has logged in.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> here it comes  
Dank Memelord has been made lord of the gays by Altana Malqir.  
Vibe Queen has been made warrior of gay by Altana Malqir.  
Cheese Burger has been made lord of the gays by Altana Malqir.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> holy shit seteth's making you share  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> That's... basically it, yes.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Linhardt and Felix, thank you for not outing Hubert.  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> I wish I could say the same to Claude.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> how much trouble is he in  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> ice cold  
[FC] <Altana Malqir> Not as much as it could have been. The skunk was not harmed.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> well i'm glad the fucking skunk is ok  
[FC] <Cheese Burger> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> what  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> he means hello


	6. annette says hi the dimitri way

Company Board: [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned??? | {Hellfrog Medium} | no irl shenanigans or seteth will murder us all  
Apple Pie has logged in.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> hell yes hell yes hell yes  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> who wants to do final steps of faith?  
[FC] <Apple Pie> sure  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i'm down  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> I can help!  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> cas let's help him  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> fuck it. i'll go too.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> okay! just need one more  
[FC] <Apple Pie> sylvain are you on felix's account again  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> he'd kill me  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i would not.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> get sylvain in here.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> okay okay  
Peach Sorbet has logged in.  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> hiiiii  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> haha what does that mean  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> it's the new way to say hello  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> dimitri came up with it  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> oh! {Hellfrog Medium} to you too!  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> anyone up to anything fun?  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> ferdie just dragged a bunch of people into final steps  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> oh wow he's going so fast!  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> i was helping ashe and dedue cook earlier  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> they're coming back for shadowbringers!!! i'm so excited!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> thanks! but... did we just kill estinien  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> watch the fucking cutscene.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you'll see!  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> ferdie! {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> hello annette!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> wait seriously  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> alphinaud why do you have such terrible ideas  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> nothing can get into that abyss and live  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> what else would you do with the eyes of one of the oldest and most powerful dragons ever  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> destroy? them???  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> it's fine, they're gone and they can't hurt you anymore  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> linhardt if you're lying to me i swear i will wake you up next time i catch you sleeping  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> no you fucking wont  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> ill fight you  
Dank Memelord has logged in.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> sup  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> even you, annette?  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> what? leonie said it was dimitri's idea  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> dima made a mistake and now no one will let it die  
[FC] <Apple Pie> it was really funny  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> dima, huh?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> do not.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> what, fe?  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you two are the worst  
Eggplant Emoji has been made shut up sylvain by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> how are you like this  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> hey we're all fucked up in this fc  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> estinien's alive!!!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> where was he keeping all that hair???  
[FC] <Hades Omega> under his helmet  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> thanks lysithea  
[FC] <Apple Pie> so does anyone want to like do a roulette or something  
[FC] <Apple Pie> or are we all just gonna watch ferdie liveblog again  
Cheese Burger has logged in.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Apple Pie> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> holy shit stop  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> that's my boyfriend you're fucking with  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> felix  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i'll do it again.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> you realize who you're talking to right  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> yes.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> {Hellfrog Medium}  
Eggplant Emoji has been made member haha get it by Dank Memelord.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> sylvain what the fuck  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> i free you and this is the thanks i get  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i'm not sure what exactly you expected tbh  
[FC] <Cheese Burger> {Hello!}  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> dima we should get you a keyboard  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> there's someone staring at the fucking abyss  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> linhardt i will end you  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> no you fucking wont  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> i will also end you, caspar  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> they're just looking  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> looking isn't descending into the abyss, stealing the eyes, and handing them to your worst enemy  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> everything's fine  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> and you, sylvain  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> felix? a little help here?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no. you did this to yourself.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> aww you believe in me  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> ferdie no irl shenanigans  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> please ferdie i don't want seteth on my ass again  
Ferdinand Von'aegir has logged out.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> what would he even do  
[FC] <Hades Omega> linhardt are you asleep rn  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> yes  
[FC] <Hades Omega> you should wake up before ferdinand gets to you then  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> meh, cas can take him  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> good night  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> hell yeah i can  
[FC] <Hades Omega> ok i did my part  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> wtf is that noise  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> dima we have to stop him  
Dank Memelord has logged out.  
Cheese Burger has logged out.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> it's like 5pm, i don't think seteth's going to get mad over a little noise  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> even if that does sound fucking awful  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> who gave ferdinand a fucking bugle. i'm going to kill them.  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> felix!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> fine. i won't.  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> lol its not working  
[FC] <Hades Omega> linhardt can sleep through that racket?  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> who is X'lihn Nunh?  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> lorenz wtf  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> lorenz if you don't stop bothering annette this fucking instant i will cut your fucking dick off.  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> felix stop being so rude! he's being nice!  
Razha'to Relanah has logged out.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> is he really  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> he is!  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> it's impossible to be rude to annette  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> cool, ferdie stopped  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you're not going to fight him?  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> he didn't wake lin up  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> i mean i could but its nice here  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> felix says to tell claude he's fucking welcome  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> brb  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i had nothing to do with this and i am absolutely not in charge of felix and sylvain  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> seteth is definitely going to believe that  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> I also am not in charge of Felix and Sylvain.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> holy shit mercie  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> savage  
Razha'to Relanah has logged in.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> felix what did you do  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> nothing.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> don't lie to me  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> nothing you'd want to hear about, he means ;)  
[FC] <Apple Pie> try me  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> no, because that would be rude to felix  
[FC] <Apple Pie> so felix didn't actually just steal ferdinand's bugle?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no. i didn't.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i rescued it.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> felix all you had to do was shut up D:  
Ferdinand Von'aegir has logged in.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> maybe you'll answer me here  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> felix, what did you do with my bugle???  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> it's safe.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> wtf do you mean by that  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> it's safe from you.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> i'm going to get seteth to search your room  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> rude. also it's not here.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> and sylvain's!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> it's not there either.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> also rude!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> and ingrid's room!  
[FC] <Apple Pie> wtf  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> not there either. ingrid yells at me enough.  
Dank Memelord has logged in.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> claude. you're fucking welcome.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> what did you do  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> he stole my bugle!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i rescued it. couldn't you hear yourself.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> please tell me you didn't like throw it in the fishing pond or something  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> not yet. it's safe. for now.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> ok good because i will die if seteth murders me because of this  
  
  
[private conversation: Razha'to Relanah -> Dank Memelord]  
Razha'to Relanah: what the fuck did seteth do to you.  
Dank Memelord: i can't say ;)  
Razha'to Relanah: keep your secrets then.  
Dank Memelord: ok he's holding the wifi hostage  
Razha'to Relanah: bullshit.  
Dank Memelord: and he'll cut it off if we get up to too much trouble  
Razha'to Relanah: and you can't set up another router because.  
Dank Memelord: i'm broke  
Razha'to Relanah: make your boyfriend pay for it.  
Dank Memelord: that's rude, he didn't do shit  
Razha'to Relanah: fine. if seteth fucks with the wifi i'll buy a router.  
Razha'to Relanah: but i'm turning the content filter on.  
Dank Memelord: wtf felix  
Dank Memelord: btw what did you do with the bugle  
Razha'to Relanah: how many times do i have to repeat myself.  
Razha'to Relanah: it's safe.  
Dank Memelord: it's in the fishing pond isn't it  
Dank Memelord: isn't it  
Dank Memelord: teach's gonna fish it up in the morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll stop running the hellfrog medium joke into the ground after this i promise


	7. felix curses everyone (ft. shadowbringers)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> timeskip! here's an updated character list:
> 
> Black Eagles  
Ferdinand - Ferdinand Von'aegir - pld/drg  
Linhardt - Somnolent Stone - sch  
Caspar - Fist Punchfist - mnk  
Bernadetta - Ausonia Ravensong - brd  
Dorothea - J'lahmani Rhel - blm/rdm/dnc  
Edelgard - Altana Malqir - drk/gnb/sam  
Hubert - doesn't play games, especially not on a different server in secret  
Petra - Rachine Ljanta - mch/dnc/drg
> 
> Blue Lions  
Felix - Razha'to Relanah - mnk/sam  
Sylvain - Eggplant Emoji - drg/dnc  
Annette - Peach Sorbet - blm/rdm/ast  
Mercedes - Amianne Corentiaux - all heals/all crafts/all gatherers  
Ashe - Lunar Chevalier - brd/nin  
Dimitri - Cheese Burger - war/rdm  
Dedue - Rororaji Jijiraji - pld/whm/mnk/cul  
Ingrid - Apple Pie - pld/drk/mch
> 
> Golden Deer  
Claude - Dank Memelord - mch/brd?/gnb?  
Hilda - Vibe Queen - war  
Marianne - Dorte Rose - whm/btn/min  
Lysithea - Hades Omega - smn/sch  
Lorenz - X'lihn Nunh - rdm (thanks anon!)  
Ignatz - Telperion Illuin - blm/sch?  
Raphael - playing video games ain't lifting, son  
Leonie - Blade Breaker - war/drg

Company Board: [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned??? | {Hellfrog Medium} | shadowbring the shadowpain  
Ferdinand Von'aegir has logged in.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> guess what???  
[FC] <Hades Omega> you bought a story skip?  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> lysithea, you wound me  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> hubert found my bugle!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i hope he got scratched.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> he took precautions, felix  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> also he said there were a lot of cats up there. have you been feeding them??  
[FC] <Hades Omega> yes  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> yep!  
[FC] <Dorte Rose> hilda and i feed them sometimes...  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> i feed them and if you try to stop me ill fight you  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> I know we're not supposed to, but I just can't say no to those cute little faces.  
[FC] <Lunar Chevalier> dedue and i give leftovers to the cats if we don't think anyone's going to eat them  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> so that's why they're so fat. i thought we were the only ones.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> sylvain feeds the cats with you?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> yes.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> it makes him happy  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> where does the new stuff start?  
[FC] <Hades Omega> lorenz no one cares  
X'lihn Nunh has been made member haha get it by Vibe Queen.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> now stop bothering me  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Thank you, Hilda.  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> what, do you feed the cats too  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Not often, but I have sometimes.  
[FC] <Razh'to Relanah> ferdinand.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> yes, felix?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i will allow you to keep the bugle on one condition.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> what do you mean, "allow"  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you have to play it properly. or not at all.  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> i'll have you know that i am extremely musically gifted  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> ok.  
Blade Breaker has logged in.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Hello, Leonie. How are you enjoing the new expansion?  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> we're letting lorenz talk in fc chat now?  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> and i just logged in. the title screen's nice?  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Please, I am doing my best to be polite.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> you actually are, i'm sorry  
[FC] <Hades Omega> holy shit, a civil interaction involving lorenz, someone fucking screenshot this shit  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> ok.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> not you  
[FC] <Hades Omega> actually, wait, yes you  
[FC] <Hades Omega> that's funnier  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> done.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> ok now send it to me  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> felixxxxxx  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> huh  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> i think i just heard ashe scream?  
[FC] <Apple Pie> wanna come with me to check on him?  
[FC] <Rororaji Jijiraji> That will not be necessary.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> oh?  
[FC] <Rororaji Jijiraji> One of the cutscenes in the Amh Araeng route is quite intense. Please be careful.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> okay thanks dedue  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> really? nothing bad's happened yet  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> spoke too soon  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> holy shit felix you're gonna hate this  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> can't be worse than vauthry and his armpit tit.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> what  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i can't.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> his uh, what  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> it's got a face!  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> It really is quite disturbing.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> annette you are not helping  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> it's his left armpit. you're welcome.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> nobody is thanking you for that  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Thank you.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> can we make lorenz shut up now  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I'm still being polite.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> yeah claude said i had to wait for him to be gross  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> claude didn't say shit to me.  
X'lihn Nunh has been made the lorenz hole by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you're welcome.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> oh woe is me i forgot how to unsilence lorenz  
[FC] <Hades Omega> hey what the FUCK  
[FC] <Hades Omega> shadowbringers is fucked up  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> yotsuyu can step on me anytime she wants  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> wtf  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> what the fuck  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i'm going to kill you, ferdinand  
[FC] <Apple Pie> wow, someone other than sylvain's being horny in fc chat  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> you are so lucky dorothea isn't on  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i'm taking the bugle back. you can't be trusted.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> hey i never got that horny! rude  
[FC] <Apple Pie> felix if you start shit over that fucking bugle again i'm going to disown you  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> not seeing a downside here.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i'll tell seteth you're feeding the cats  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> all of you agree with me deep in your hearts and you know it  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> that's a very bad idea ingrid. you should reconsider.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> let ferdie keep his fucking bugle then  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> sylvain help  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> how the tables have turned!  
[FC] <Apple Pie> sylvain!  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> wait i have an idea  
[FC] <Hades Omega> oh no  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> lets tell dorothea  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> ...why?  
[FC] <Hades Omega> wait that's not a bad idea  
[FC] <Hades Omega> marianne is that you  
[FC] <Dorte Rose> no im right here  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> it was her idea tho  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> if it keeps him quiet it's fine by me.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> dorothea will not keep ferdinand's cursed secret  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> she'll tell hubert  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> okay? hubert doesn't even play this game  
[FC] <Hades Omega> sylvain are you pretending to be stupid or actually stupid rn  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> rude  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> yeah im not going to spell it out  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> either you get it or you dont  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> i'll give you a hint: what's our fc called?  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> wtf  
[FC] <Peach Sorbet> i can't believe you missed it, sylvain!  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Well, we all know he only has eyes for Felix, so it's understandable, right?  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> felix just threw every pen he had at me :<  
[FC] <Hades Omega> felix i can bring you more books if you want  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i have better ways to make him stop typing.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> ...did i just see felix get horny in fc chat  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no. you didn't.  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> is that a threat  
[FC] <Apple Pie> of course it is, it's felix  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> we don't make out all the fucking time.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i just made him pet a cat. that's all.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> are you sure  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you let the cats in your room?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> yes. i'm not a monster.  
J'lahmani Rhel has logged in.  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> hiiiii dorotheaaaaa  
[FC] <Hades Omega> guess who got horny in fc chat  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> hmm. caspar?  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> wtf  
[FC] <Hades Omega> no, caspar respects fc chat  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> lol  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> ingrid?  
[FC] <Apple Pie> are you doing this on purpose  
[FC] <Hades Omega> not ingrid  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> wow, this is hard  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> did felix say something horny and then not threaten everyone who saw it  
[FC] <Apple Pie> still working on that one. he did say something incredibly cursed, though  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> rude.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> am i wrong?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> the curse is in the game. i just pointed it out.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you didn't have to do that, i promise  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you all get to suffer.  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> that sounds fascinating but one thing at a time  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> sylvain being horny isn't news so that can't be it. lin?  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> hes asleep  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> leonie? did you discover your inner lesbian?  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> wtf??? no???????  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> you'll get there, i believe in you :)  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> i'm running out of people here  
[FC] <Hades Omega> you're being ridiculous  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> i really don't want to say this, but... marianne?  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> wowwwwwwww  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> dorothea you can't be serious rn  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> oh but i am  
  
  
[private conversation: J'lahmani Rhel -> Vibe Queen]  
J'lahmani Rhel: i'm not serious at all  
J'lahmani Rhel: i love marianne  
J'lahmani Rhel: i'm making ferdie squirm ;)  
Vibe Queen: ok but i will extremely defend her honor  
J'lahmani Rhel: it was ferdie right?  
Vibe Queen: yeah it was ferdie  
  
  
[FC] <Dorte Rose> it wasn't me...  
[FC] <Vibe Queen> dw mari i told her  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> told her what?  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> ferdie, do you have something to tell me?  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> no!  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> are you sure?  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> yes!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> felix tell her about the armpit tit!  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> the what now  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> just a moment. gotta find it.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> [FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> yotsuyu can step on me anytime she wants  
[FC] <Hades Omega> idk why you expected felix to help you  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> okay, yeah, that's horny  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> please don't tell anyone  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> he means don't tell hubert. so you should. like right now.  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> oh, i see  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> your secret may or may not be safe with me, ferdie!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> thanks? i think?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> as long as he stops being bad at music i don't care.  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> ferdie if you promise to spare felix's tender ears i won't tell hubert  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> fine, i'll be quiet  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> thank you.  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> ok now that that's over with  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> what's the cursed thing?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> vauthry's left armpit. you're welcome.  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> that sounds fucked up, thanks  
[FC] <Hades Omega> FUCK  
[FC] <Hades Omega> it's real  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i hate it  
[FC] <Hades Omega> why is it looking at me  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> the more i hear about this the more cursed it sounds  
[FC] <Apple Pie> the worst part is i didn't notice until felix said something  
[FC] <Apple Pie> and now i can't stop looking at it  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> whoa what the fuck this cutscene is intense as hell  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> Are you in Amh Araeng, Leonie?  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> yeah  
[FC] <Amianne Corentiaux> That cutscene surprised me, too! I can't wait to see what the rest of this expansion's going to do!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> armpit tit's worse.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> felix i am begging you please stop saying those words  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! i had a rough few days at work and ff14 names are hard :< (low-key superstar of this fic: the name randomizer in character creation)
> 
> edit: gonna take a break from this until december-ish, i'm doing a non-fic thing for nanowrimo
> 
> ps the nier raid came out and you can put 2b's dress on a dude, thanks s-e, i love you


	8. lysithea is thancred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nanowrimo didn't happen, so have this

Company Board: [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned??? | {Hellfrog Medium} | shadowbring the shadowpain  
Razha'to Relanah has logged in.  
Eggplant Emoji has logged in.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> so felix and i may have had a little disagreement  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> you're both beautiful, next  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> thank you dorothea but that wasn't it  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> anyway we were hoping our friends here might be able to help us settle it  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> there's nothing to settle. i'm right.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> felix please let me tell the story  
[FC] <Hades Omega> what did you do  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i didn't do anything!  
[FC] <Apple Pie> really.  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> are you sure  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> doubt  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you did this to yourself.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> yeah i kinda did huh  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> anyway  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> so felix and i were hung over as fuck, right  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> so we went to dennys  
[FC] <Hades Omega> captivating.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> it's important ok!  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> anyway, there's this dude at the next table over  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> he looked like he was getting ready to leave, he had one of those to go boxes?  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> so he looks around, i guess to make sure none of the staff were looking at him  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> and then he steals fucking everything on his table  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> even those weird gross fake sugar packets  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> felix and i were like wtf  
[FC] <Apple Pie> did you tell the staff?  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> do i look like dimitri to you  
[FC] <Apple Pie> fair enough  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> for whatever reason, felix decides this guy isn't stealing enough shit  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> so he gives the guy our syrup  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> and this would be fine, i'd be down, but  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> he did it before i could put syrup on my pancakes  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> and apparently i deserve to eat pancakes without syrup  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> that's rude, right?  
[FC] <Hades Omega> yeah that's rude but what did you do  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> see felix? lysithea agrees with me!  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> what did you do sylvain  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> tell the whole story.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> felix what did he do  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> what more do i need to say  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i think the staff noticed but they didn't give a shit?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> he put syrup on my sausages and ruined them.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i gave you my bacon!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i wanted sausage.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> how are you two like this  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you're both idiots  
Somnolent Stone has updated the company board.  
Company Board: [FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i guess i just live to get brutally owned??? | {Hellfrog Medium} | shadowbring the shadowpain | [FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i wanted sausage.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> there, now you can both be idiots in the motd  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> rude. i was right.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> pancakes without syrup is too cruel a fate  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you two are so, so stupid  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> i can't believe sylvain didn't make a dick joke  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> don't worry. he did.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i respected fc chat, you're welcome  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> did they seriously call this quest the trolley problem.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> you'll have to try harder than that to distract us!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> armpit tit.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> felixxxxx :(  
[FC] <Hades Omega> respect fc chat!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> no.  
Dank Memelord has logged in.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> wow felix  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> shut up. i'm busy.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> doing what  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> getting to 80 before any of you.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i'm gonna get there first! i'm already 77  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> so should i go find alisaie or alphinaud first  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> do you want fucked up shit, or really fucked up shit  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> hmmmm  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> regular fucked up shit  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> alphinaud first  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> cool, thanks  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> when you see vauthry make sure you look at his left armpit.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> felix! why  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> ok felix that sounds like a good idea and not something i'll regret at all  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> everyone suffers.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> oh fuck i'm thancred now  
Fist Punchfist has logged in.  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> {Hellfrog Medium} bitches  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> {Hellfrog Medium}  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> anyone doing anything cool?  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> felix let some jerk steal my syrup earlier  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i'm fixing a trolley.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i'm thancred and i hate it  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> the exarch just made me sandwiches!  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> i'm about to... sink doma castle? i think?  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> i'm beginning to wonder if anyone in this game can make a good plan  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> oh that's a good dungeon, want some help?  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> yeah a lot of stormblood's plot only works because zenos is who he is  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i'd help but i'm still thancred  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> you've been thancred for awhile  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i knowwwwww  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> i'll help ya ferdie  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> linnnnnn  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> i guess i could stay awake a little longer  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> hell yeah  
[FC] <Hades Omega> being thancred sucks :<  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> did you die  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> so is it just me or does this jeryk guy want to fuck the trolley?  
[FC] <Apple Pie> sylvain what the fuck  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> it's just you  
[FC] <Apple Pie> felix how can you stand him  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> i don't know sometimes.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> aww, you know you love me.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> respect fc chat.  
[FC] <Eggplanr Emoji> make me  
Eggplant Emoji has been made shut up sylvain by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> welp that sure is some armpit tiddy vauthry's got going on there  
[FC] <Hades Omega> claude you made it worse!!! how dare you!!!!!  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> you're welcome!  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> and this is the less fucked up thing?  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> yeah, actually. not by much though  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> hm. i'm thancred now.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> suffer  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> oh wow they killed gosetsu and yotsuyu  
[FC] <Ferdinand Von'aegir> and the dumb plan worked  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> welcome to stormblood!  
Eggplant Emoji has been made member haha get it by Razha'to Relanah.  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> that wasn't hard. just long.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i am respecting fc chat so much right now, you have no idea  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> shut up sylvain  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> ok so i'm doing stuff in rak'tika, right  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> if hydaelyn is a primal, does that make us tempered  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> i'm too far behind  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> maybe? but consider the source  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> they literally put that line in one of the trailers claude  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> right but you're saying whoever says it isn't trustworthy  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> oh he's not  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> maybe they talk about it more later  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> but right now i've gotten distracted by a trolley, somehow  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i mean i have a flying cactus mount, i could just fly  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> fix the fucking trolley sylvain  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> but i don't wanna :<  
X'lihn Nunh has logged in.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Greetings.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> lorenz what level are you  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> 73.  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I'm about to try Titania again, if anyone's interested? I had to give up last night. The dps check is somewhat difficult.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i would but i have to beat felix to 80  
[FC] <J'lahmani Rhel> i'll help but only if you don't flirt with anyone  
[FC] <Apple Pie> same, lorenz  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i gotta catch up to felix  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you won't.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i gotta try!  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> hey. lysithea.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> what  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> are you up to malikah's well yet.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> you're not going to wait for sylvain?  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> he's too slow.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> ok i'll go with you  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> i've been abandoned :<  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> you ruined my breakfast.  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> you already got me back for that!  
[FC] <Fist Punchfist> the motd is literally about breakfast wow  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> Dorothea, Ingrid, thank you for your help.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> you're welcome! you're actually pretty nice when you're not being weird  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> why thank you, Ingrid. You're quite charming as well.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> who are you and what did you do with lorenz  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> I'm quite tired of "the lorenz hole," so I've decided to be unfailingly polite in FC chat.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> if he does anything tell me or cas  
[FC] <X'lihn Nunh> There will be no reason for that.  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> good  
[FC] <Somnolent Stone> i don't want to do work  
[FC] <Hades Omega> well that dungeon sure existed  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> the second boss was ridiculous.  
[FC] <Apple Pie> wow this guy really likes the trolley  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> see ingrid? see???  
[FC] <Apple Pie> no, jeryk's love for the trolley is entirely platonic, you idiot  
[FC] <Apple Pie> and fuck you for making me type that  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> :<  
[FC] <Hades Omega> eulmore is fucked up!!   
[FC] <Dank Memelord> is meol people  
[FC] <Hades Omega> it's worse  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> yeah it's worse.  
[FC] <Dank Memelord> so it's sin eater huh  
[FC] <Apple Pie> :x  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> hm. do not like these noises.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> alphinaud read the room  
[FC] <Hades Omega> vauthry is not here for your speeches  
[FC] <Hades Omega> his head just turned 360 degrees!!!  
[FC] <Hades Omega> i mean 180  
[FC] <Hades Omega> what the FUCK  
[FC] <Blade Breaker> is this worse than the tesleen cutscene  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> he ate the fork.   
[FC] <Hades Omega> oh fuck armpit tit's here to fuck us up!!  
[FC] <Apple Pie> i have no idea what's happening rn  
[FC] <Hades Omega> oh fuck those tiny wings what the fuck  
[FC] <Razha'to Relanah> tesleen's worse. but this is still pretty fucked up.  
[FC] <Hades Omega> you're all going to love it   
[FC] <Hades Omega> shadowbringers is so fucked up  
[FC] <Eggplant Emoji> and you're still level 77! there's so much more to go  
[FC] <Hades Omega> FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKp9UEGjgFc) is the cutscene Lysithea and Felix were watching at the end


End file.
